Red Hot Pimp Roadkill Superbowl XLVIII Rundown

Never before in the history of the NFL has there been a stranger Superbowl, EVER.  The obvious omen to set off this chain of events was hands-down Joe Namath’s Roadkill Pimp mink coat!  Now I realize it is part of what this guy is known for, to wear loud coats, but this was just too much!  I was really rooting for the poor guy, seriously.  I wiped the tears of laughter from my eyes as I stared at the man in his fluffy-wuffy fashionista attire, rooting for the old man.  I said aloud to Michael, “Maybe he can pull this moment off with the coin toss and look somewhat dashing and “chic” in a ridonkulous, eccentric sort of way.”   No sooner had I uttered the words and stifled my laughter when suddenly from no where, this star quarterback with 12 years’ NFL playing experience tosses the coin TOO EARLY and confuses everyone, saved by the referee.  Relive the moment with me, please.  It’s totally worth it.

 

*Sighs.*  Poor guy.  Absolute fail.  And this isn’t the only time he’s tried to bring a big show to add to his “legacy” only to cause millions of onlookers to face-palm and moan, but we’ll stick to the game.

Little did I know this little event was the first link in the chain reaction of strangeness that was to trail along for the rest of the event.  Discussing the quarter-by quarter rundown of the game is redundant.  It’s already all over the web.  But I do have one question:  Did the Broncos even bother to prepare?  Honestly, I think they would have done better if they had stood on the field and picked each others’ noses than to have displayed that debacle of…whatever that was!

I love to root for the underdog, and since I have nothing invested in either team, I figured I would root for the Broncs.  And who with a heart couldn’t pity the poor guys after that  early snap ended up in the end zone?  I mean…really?  Wow.  Skip ahead to the end of the 2nd, and  though I knew in my heart of hearts it wasn’t going to change, I still remained optimistic.  This was the Super Bowl after all, and something had to get exciting!  I felt bored and totally UN-entertained.  No excitement.

First half over, and time for the halftime show!  I was curious to see how these guys worked together!

How do you blend Bruno Mars with the Red Hot Chili Peppers? Although the strangeness of the match-up was fitting right in with the weird theme of the game, I was still curious to see how it would play out. So, do I think he did it?  Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…uh! Totally awesome show!  He brought his game face, and entertained with a LIVE voice…great show!  I LOVED the James Brown Dancing and drum solo.  And when the Chilli Peppers came on, you knew the song was building to it, and they came on playing my favorite song!  Woot! It was so great.  And they didn’t even bother to Try to blend.  They kept their own style, yet pulled it off.  The only disappointment for me was that Flea didn’t get at least 10 seconds of solo camera time.  I totally love that dude.

And the commercials?  I would say they were unremarkable if they weren’t so disappointing.  NONE of them were Super Bowl material.  For most, if they weren’t dumb, then they were totally NOT funny.  I’d rather have watched Joe Namath walk around with his dead muppet coat for entertainment than the commercials.  Sheesh.  If I had to pick, I would have to say that Budweiser had the best batting average, but   Coca-cola had a commercial that I liked best. I’ll link it at the end of this blog, which is coming soon, dear readers!

After the great halftime show,  I was carrying a little optimism.  Maybe the Broncos would come back…maybe the commercials would get better.  Anything is possible,  right?  So, the kick-off starts the game, Percy Harvin catches the ball, and he runs the ball 87 yards for a touchdown.  And that was it for me.  I was too angry to be deflated.  Seriously.  That was just embarrassing.  I refused to pity them any more.  They just were NOT playing football.  So, I picked up my hook and started to crochet.  The true roadkill wasn’t the muppet fluffy-wuffy pimp coat, it was the Denver Broncos.

The rest of the game, they say, is history.  The only moment of glory for the Broncos was one touchdown followed by a successful two-point conversion.  If they’d wanted to win as badly as they wanted to avoid a shut-out, they may have won.  Who knows.

I loved the “puppy” Budweiser commercial, but I don’t recall it being played until AFTER the game.  But, here is my favorite.  I think the majority of you will see why.  Total awesomeness.  I hope they run this one all year.

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/43869434/1124297/

http://isayoui.wordpress.com/2014/02/03/theres-this-event-called-the-super-bowl/

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/62450641/29/

http://wordpress.com/read/post/id/54859530/4505/

http://newamericangospel.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/worstdecision14/

Ta-ta for now!  When next I return, I promise some crochet magic!

Easy Quiche Recipe Tex-Mex style!

Courtesy of sugarcoffinart on deviantart. Made by hand! http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tex-mex-115051869 So gorgeous.

EASY Quiche Recipe, Tex-Mex style, quick and simple.  Anyone can make this, and only takes a few minutes to prepare, and a super-easy crust, because it’s premade!  Yup, yup, super simple!

I started a new tradition for my family on New Year’s Day.  New Year’s Eve has a very sentimental place in my heart, and I love to be surrounded by my loved ones on this occasion, celebrating midnight and toasting with champagne for the New Year.  New Year’s Day is just a lazy day for us all, so I decided quiche is a perfect solution!  I can make it, serve it up, and everyone can go for seconds, thirds, then leftovers.

We invited my parents over for brunch, and the day was so totally awesome! We all had plenty to eat, and it was a nice, affordable plate to serve to a big crowd.

I made several kinds, but I thought I would share the Tex-Mex creation that I threw together on a whim.  It was very good, and it’s a cool variation from the more popular versions.  And, here we go…

quichepicture copy

Tex-Mex Quiche

Ingredients:

  • 9-inch pie dish
  • Deep dish frozen pie crust or Pillsbury Refrigerated Dough Crust.  (I used Pillsbury)
  • Slices of Monterey Jack, Jalapeño Jack, and Mexican Blend cheese
  • Your choice of grated cheese
  • 4 eggs
  • 3\4 cup heavy whipping cream
  • 1\4 cup milk
  • Pre-cooked bacon and breakfast sausage
  • Fresh Pico de Gallo (I bought this premade at the grocery store) or Rotel, drained
  • 1 small can mushrooms  (this is Goddess Tex-Mex, and we do mushrooms in THIS house!)
  • ½ teaspoon nutmeg
  • 1 teaspoon cumin
  • Pinch of salt
  • ½ teaspoon pepper

Directions:

  • Precook your meat.  No need to cook your pico or canned mushrooms!
  • Mix your eggs, cream, milk, and spices in a bowl, blending well.
  • Cover the bottom of your pie crust with slices of your cheese.  Next, layer your pico and mushrooms.  Finally, layer your meat mixture over the vegetables and top generously with the grated cheese.
  • Bake at 375 degrees for 45 to 60 minutes, turning halfway through for even cooking, and threatening your loved ones NOT to continue opening the oven every 10 minutes hoping it is ready early.

I use the general “stock” for this quiche to make all of my quiche; I just change up what cheese, spices, and meat I may choose, so feel free to play around with this and see what you come up with!  Just remember sliced cheese on the bottom, then your veggies, then your meat, then grated cheese.

Enjoy!

Holiday Adorbes!

Fashionably late, Goddess style, I present to you….”The Holiday Family Extraordinaire!”  I had such a wonderful holiday season full of family and loved ones, and I must say that in love, we are wealthy indeed!  Although timing for Thanksgiving pictures didn’t work out, Christmas did, and I am so happy!  My  daughter and Michael’s son work so hard and such terrible hours that it is tough for us to all get together, but it finally did, and here are just a few of the pictures.  There was a LOT of hilarity during the holidays, too, but this is par for the course ’round these here parts!  And of course, I am going to share!  But first let’s look at some pictures, mang!

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My daughter has done a LOT of driving over the past few weeks just to spend time with her mommy, and although we didn’t have the time for “modeling pictures” over Thanksgiving, or Christmas we managed to barely squeeze in the time for New Year’s.  So, we snapped up what we could, and I’ll be posting the FOTH’s for that in a day or two.

Mom and Dad visited our house several times during the holidays.  I must admit it is such a bittersweet moment for me that they have retired and are about to spend their time traveling.  I am spoiled to their presence, and have mild panic attacks when I haven’t had my “fix”.  They have always been such a huge part of my life, and now I have to set them free to enjoy their lives during their Golden Years.  *sighs*.  It is such an awesome thing, but I’d be a liar to say it doesn’t also make me sad!  But let’s get to the freakin’ meat of this blog post already!!!!

Highlights in our family are always best remembered when they are comical and/or awkward.  Sure, we spend our “family time” with love and affection, but it is the comical craziness that we have in our family that sets us apart from the rest, and here is a list of just a few!

On Thanksgiving, it is my son’s responsibility to set up the turkey for its journey in the cooker.  He slept in, so I did it.  I put the apple in the turkey to bake the entire time instead of the last half hour, and our Turkey Presentation on the table was with a mushy green mess inside it!  No problem, we devoured it anyway, and it was goooo-oood!

For Christmas, I taught my daughter our traditional way of cooking authentic “Lasagna Italiano”.  We have lasagna on Christmas.  My mother is Italian, so it is only natural, after all!  We spent all day working on the secret sauce, carefully and beautifully built our lasagna, and finally, after hours of work, and dozens of times smacking the back of hands of the boys “testing”….the lasagna went into the oven!  The aroma was so lovely filling the house, and everyone eagerly awaited the arrival of our lasagna.  My daughter’s boyfriend was down, and she was particularly excited and proud to present to him what a GREAT thing we would have to eat!

Finally it was time to pull out the lasagna.  I went to the oven, and realized in absolute horror that the oven display was reading what I can only describe as alien writing!  I opened the oven door, and after one look at the lasagna, my mouth took over.  A long series of incredibly unattractive words flew from my mouth, and the entire household dashed into the kitchen.  Everyone began to cough and gasp as black smoke-filled the kitchen, and I dashed to the windows and doors, now cursing about the smell and possibly having to clean the walls on Christmas!

The oven had gone into broil mode somehow, and the top of the lasagna was completely black!  Tears welled up in my eyes as I stammered and stuttered about not understanding what happened, and the rest of the family held their breath, not knowing what to say or what to do.  Everyone stared at our long-awaited meal in disappointed exasperation as I fought back tears.  I ruined dinner, and we were all starving!  Where on earth would we find food on Christmas Day?  My head was spinning and my daughter grabbed my hand and kissed it while my son patted my back and hugged my neck.

The alien writing on the display turned to Chinese writing as our noses took in the awful stench of cleaner.  The oven went into clean mode, and we couldn’t get it to turn off!  We were stuck riding out the experience whether we liked it or not.

Then my darling Michael cut into the lasagna and tried a piece of it without any prompting, determined to find a way to “save the moment”.  As soon as he did, everyone else did as well, and much to our surprise and relief, it was still good!  I swear it was!  The burned cheese was just a crispy layer and didn’t have much of a taste, and easily scraped away if we wanted to.  However, we ate the cheese.  We thought it was good!  And we laughed and laughed, reliving the moment together…”It was so funny when…”  “Oh, man, did you see when…”  We had so much fun!  And dessert was awesome.

New Year’s Eve was exciting, too.  (New Year’s and the 4th of July are my FAVORITE holidays of the year!)  My daughter worked, so as soon as she got off work, she and the boyfriend drove up to the house, barely making it.  My son and I were texting her as we all waited by the champagne and watching the clock.  She arrived at 11:45 p.m. with surprise fireworks, and those bottle-popper things that shoot confetti.  My mischievous teenage son was just dying to mess with one.  We had all just threatened him within an inch of his life to wait when…

POWWWWWWWAAAAHHHHH!  I am talkin’ a huge poppin’ bang from nowhere, filled the room and caused my daughter and I to jump 6 feet from the ground.  “I didn’t do it!!’  My son yelled, holding up his hands.

“It was the champagne bottle.”  Said Michael.  Everyone started to ask him what the heck he did that for when he finally managed to get us to understand that it happened on autopilot (JUST LIKE THE OVEN on Christmas!)  We all laughed and teased one another about our reactions when we realized that ACK!!!!!  2 minutes to midnight, hurry, hurry!  Pour the champagne, stand together and get ready to toast!  And midnight came, and my daughter got her first New Year’s Kiss ever with her boyfriend, and I got to cuddle and hug with my famly and feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing I’d kick off the year with the ones I love.

So you’ve made it to the end of another long Goddess post!  *Pats you on the back*  Way to go!  And thanks for sticking it out with me, and giving me the fun experience of sharing some family tidbits with you.  You are soooo Awesome Blossom!  XOXOXO

Free Pattern: Crochet Fast and Easy Men’s Reversible Scarf

And here it is, delivered during the Christmas Crunch!  I have literally thrown together the pictures, but I did take time to be sure the pattern was correct!

I used Lion Brand Homespun as my contrasting color in the black scarf, and you can see how a somewhat “textured” yarn can change up the look of the scarf.  I just love it when a project comes together like that!  A little trim can sometimes go a LONG way!

Sides "A" and "B" side-by-side comparison

Sides “A” and “B” side-by-side comparison

And here are my “thrown together” pictures for your amusement!

Before I throw this pattern at you, I’d like to wish you a wonderful Holiday Season, whatever it may be that you celebrate, and hope that you and yours will have a great upcoming year!  Now, let me post this pattern and RUN!  I’ve got tons to do before Christmas!

The .pdf for this pattern is available as a free download on my Ravelry pattern page here:

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/mens-reversible-scarf

Men’s Reversible Scarf Crochet Pattern:

reversiblescarf

01-beginnerMy blog link:  https://thecrochetgoddessblog.wordpress.com/

Etsy:  TheCrochetGoddess

Ravelry:  TheCrochetGoddess   Check me out here

Stitches Used:  Double crochet, single crochet, and crab stitch (a.k.a. reverse single crochet).  Crab stitch directions are included in the pattern.  Crab stitch is optional for the border.  Image shown does not have optional trim.

Gauge:   2 rows of 4 dc = 1”x1”Materials:

Hook Size:  I (5.50 MM)

Yarn Weight:  Worsted, 10 ply (Brand I used is Red Heart Super Saver)

Tapestry needle to weave in ends

Scissors

Terms:

ch:  chain

sc:  single crochet

dc:  double crochet

sl st:  slip stitch

BLO:  Back loop only

MC:  Main color

CC:  Contrasting color

Special Stitch:  Crab Stitch (A.K.A. Reverse Single Crochet)

  1.  Insert hook from front to back, into the 1st stitch to the right.
  2. Yarn over (yo) and draw through the stitch.  You will have two loops on your hook, just as you would with a normal sc.
  3. Yarn over and draw through both loops on your hook.
  4. Repeat these steps for each stitch in the row.

Special Notes:  A general rule of thumb, if you are unsure of how long to make your scarf, is to make the scarf as long as the wearer is tall. The scarf shown in the picture above is made to that ratio.

If you are a very new beginner, remember that the beginning chain for each row counts as your first stitch.  If you ch-1, it will count as your 1st sc, so you will skip that very first stitch, then make your sc stitch in that 2nd stitch in the row.  You will now have two stitches on that row so far.  The ch-1 is the first stitch; the sc in the next stitch is your 2nd stitch.  Starting off in this manner will assure that your rows stay straight.  The same applies for dc rows.  You will ch-3 and skip that very first stitch.

Scarf Pattern:

With MC, make a foundation chain (ch) for however long you wish your scarf to be.  Stitch count does not matter for this pattern.

Row 1:    After achieving your length, ch an extra 3 (will count as 1st dc), then dc into 4th chain from hook.  *DC into next ch.  Repeat from * to last ch.  Turn.

Row 2:  Ch 1.  (Counts as first sc) *sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to end of row.  Turn.

Row 3:  Ch 3.  (Counts as first dc) * dc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to end of row.  Change to CC.  Turn.

Row 4:  ch 1.  (Counts as first sc) *sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to end of row.  Change back to MC.  Turn.

Row 5:  Repeat Row 3.

Row 6:  Repeat Row 4.

Row 7:  Ch 3.  *dc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to end of row.  Turn.

Row 8:  Ch 1.  *sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to end of row.  Turn.

Row 9:  Repeat Row 3.

Row 10:  Repeat Row 4.

Row 11:  Repeat Row 3.

Row 12:  Repeat Row 4.

Row 13:  Repeat Row 7.

Row 14:  Repeat Row 8.

Row 15:  Repeat row 3.

Row 16:  Ch 1.  (Counts as first sc) * sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to last st.  3 sc into last st.  (1st corner of trim made.)

Row 17:  Now we will work on the second side of the scarf’s trim.  Row 16 above started the first row of the trim.  Keeping the same side of the scarf facing you as in row 16, turn the scarf vertically, with the short edge facing up.  * sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to last st.  3 sc into last st.  (3rd corner of trim made.)

Row 18:  Keeping the same side of the scarf facing you, turn the scarf horizontally again, with the long side facing up. *sc into next st in BLO.  Repeat from * to last st.  3 sc into last st.  (4th corner of trim made.)  Join with sl st into beginning sc of row 16.  Finish off and weave in ends.

.

Optional Trim:  Do not finish off at the end of Row 18.  Chain 1.  Crab stitch in each stitch of border all the way around.  Finish off and weave in ends.

If you would like to have the matching reversible beanie pattern for this hat, you can get the free pattern from my blog, or download the .pdf file from my ravelry pattern page.  There is no need to be a member on ravelry to download!  This pattern also includes a matching reversible cowl.  The links for the blog post and .pdf are posted below.  Here is a picture to reference.

Macho Man Versatility:   Reversible hat and cowl set blog post

.pdf download on ravelry

Example of one side of the matching pattern below:

Contrasting Color done with Lion Brand Homespun.

Contrasting Color done with Lion Brand Homespun.

Skunk-be-GONE! Effective formula to rid your dog of the weasel stinks

Many dog owners have been there.

You peak your head out the door, call for your lovey-dovey babooshka pup, and suddenly, your nostril hairs sting, curl up, and die while tears run down your face. The putrid stench of Pepe’ Le Pew invades your sinus cavities. As the horror dawns on you that your loving pot-hound may be the culprit, fur touches your legs. Your throbbing eyes stare down in terrified revulsion as your beloved poochie-pie flops down and begins to wriggle and roll all over your legs and feet. You could swear you are screaming, yet the stink bomb before you refuses to subsist in sharing the wonderful revelry of scent-reward with your skin, clothes, and shoes. NOW what do you do?

Never fear! I am now your OFFICIAL hero! The solution to your repugnant quandary is right at the end of this blog! I’ve the sure-fire formula that beats any amount of tomato sauce or vinegar you could possibly use, and the dog can come back in the house!

If you are hurriedly searching Google for a real solution, peering behind foggy eyes, cursing under your breath, and pushing sweaty hair out of your face while your dog pounces around in joy outside, rolling on everything you hold dear and yelping in pride at the lovely situation you’re forced to face, please skip my story…for now. Stay on this page, and scroll to the bottom for the recipe. Handle your mutt-ola, then when you can relax (even though that abominable rankness has moved into your schnozzle for a stay), come back, read, and laugh. Hopefully your mood will improve.

If you are just reading along, then laugh at me. Because I’ve been through it twice in the past 5 months, and I have a house dog. Ugh, right?

Meet Astrid!

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a.k.a. Boogie-woo, Boobie-bear, Lovey-loo, Bear-bear, Diva Dawg, Mooginess, Brattola, Woogie-woo, Woofie-woo, Appid, Moogie-moo…well, you get the point! She is the family fluffy-wuffy, floofie-fancy, blingy-wingy foo-foo dog. And your typically authoritative, loving, protective, endearing, stupidly brave Miniature Schnauzer.

She stealthily stalks the lowly lizard, bravely pounces upon the gyrating June bug, protects us from the ferocious froggies, bungles after the bouncing bunnies, viciously chases the daring deer, and vacuously hounds the sickening skunk!  Also on the list of her arch nemeses are the horse, cow, llama, and goat. Alas, my 13 pound dog fears absolutely nothing!

Now here is our conundrum. My personal preference is that she be my little diva princess. I adorn her collar with the sparkliest of fake diamonds and rinse her in special water to make her smell lovely. I weekly bathe her with whitening shampoo and allow her trimmings to grow long so that she is my fluffy little movie-star dog. I love to feel her soft fur and compare her beauty to other dogs and feel as though she is the Miss Universe of the diva mutts. I dress her up for special occasions and crochet clothes and headbands for her. I prefer to have her fancy.

Astrid, however, doesn’t always agree. And my family loves to watch as the disagreement unfolds. Her refusal to agree to disagree with the funky, musty varmint who lurks near our country home would almost be the perfect example except for one thing: the family doesn’t find the nauseating aroma involved as humorous as most situations until it has been taken care of.

The two met one dark, warm December evening in the flower beds.

Unfortunately, this weasel vermin is not associated with the adorable, well-mannered “Flower” who sweetly met Bambi in a flower bed. Oh no, this putrid pest is wild…and unfortunately aggressive and accurately aiming as they come. I found out the hard way, and Astrid found out the fun way.

One second she is growling with her fur standing on end and the next she is diving into the flowerbeds, ignoring my insistent shouts that she avoid danger and immediately return.


She rounds the corner and disappears as the fear rises in my chest, wondering what my dog, in her bullet-proof opinion, is impulsively chasing after this time. Suddenly, I smell what seems to be a smoldering inferno. As I round the corner I see Astrid snorting and gagging, rubbing her face in the dirt. The smell is so overwhelmingly full of sulfur that I am beginning to think that the house is on fire when suddenly, the putrid smell of anal glands assaults my senses and I am forced to scoop up my Wondermutt and sprint to shelter!

During my escape, Astrid lovingly licks my face and rubs her bearded head all over every surface available to her on my body. I fight back the urge to vomit as I realize that this bloody beast has sprayed my lovely Looby-loo all in her face and beard!

Long story (yeah I know, too late!) short, I realized the hard way that four cans of tomato paste and two bottles of vinegar doesn’t even begin to diminish the putrudity I was desperately fighting to quell. By this point, the entire family was diving through Google results trying to find a different method. My wonderful mother, in her normal “saves the day” fashion, bestowed the online solution, and I perfected the method with my own little touches. After this, the smell was gone! I also used this formula on my clothes and in the shower. I had to use someone else to “test smell” everything, however, because my nose was stained so exceedingly with that deplorable scent that I couldn’t differentiate anything other than “Odeur Le Pourrissant”. And so, without further ado, I bequeath to you a priceless home remedy for free! Aren’t I just the sweetest?

Skunk-be-Gone Shampoo Paste

With enough baking soda and peroxide to soak your dog in twice, blend into a thick paste.

Rub vigorously (that will probably naturally occur by this point anyway) into the fur and skin and allow to set five minutes. Rinse thoroughly.

Mix shampoo of your choice in the remaining portion until it lathers on your dog. Soak your dog in this for as long as possible; at least 8 minutes if you can.

Rinse thoroughly, and follow with your choice of shampoo. Bathe as usual.

If possible, have someone who is not as affected by the smell test the situation. I suppose you could put this solution up your nose, but I wouldn’t recommend it. I will assume you are wise enough to follow this advice. Sadly, however, because you choose to do what is sane, you will smell nothing differently for a whole day or more.

Good luck, and if you do have to use this, you’re welcome, and it sucks to be you now!